 My depression and parenting responsibilities are constantly competing for my energy. Being depressed is hard work; it is a disease that simply leeches vitality and gives nothing in return. Being a parent is both grueling and thankless, but some moments make the struggles worthwhile.
So what happens when you have to parent while depressed? For me, it can turn into a clusterfuck of thoughts and emotions. My depressive mind keeps telling me that everything I do is futile and that I should just stay in bed. I have to keep reminding myself that I have this little person to take care of and, no matter how I feel, I have to keep going. The daily chore of balancing my parenting obligations with depression can be draining. So, I’ve compiled an arsenal of skills to help me cope on those days when negative thoughts and emotions seem most relentless: 1) Practicing Opposite to Emotion Action (OEA): OEA is the act of doing the opposite of what our emotions are telling us by consciously choosing to do things that are in line with our core values. This is a hard skill to master, but we all practice it every day when we wake up despite being exhausted or when we go to work or school despite not being in the mood. It’s easy to get fed up and go back to sleep or to start to ruminate and worry. But, by practicing OEA, we can mindfully strike back against the negative thoughts by doing what we believe is right. 2) Practicing self-care: There’s something to be said for the idea of putting on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. Depression is an illness that requires treatment, which often includes self-assessment and care. It’s so easy to get so swept away by parenting duties that we neglect our own well-being. We can take care of ourselves by practicing good sleep hygiene, by eating healthy, by exercising (even a short stroll counts), and by following doctor’s orders regarding any skills you should be practicing or medication you should be taking. 3) Practicing Mindfulness: Parenthood is rough, but watching your kids blossom and thrive is a never-ending source of awe and wonder. Hang on to these feelings by consciously keeping yourself in the moment. The reality of parenting means coping with ups and downs. But being mindful helps you maintain perspective while you guide your child through life’s discoveries and disappointments. 4) Practicing distress tolerance: When life gets most overwhelming, a distress-tolerance system can come to the rescue. This system can include deep breathing, grounding (consciously experiencing the world around you with your senses), finding healthy distractions, or even just walking away for a moment to gather your thoughts and re-center yourself. Having your distress tolerance toolkit on reserve can prevent you from shutting down or lashing out when you are depressed and frustrated. 5) Practicing asking for help: Seeking out healthy social support is critical when you are depressed. On days you are feeling low, asking for help is the strongest thing you can do for yourself, your child, and your family. Social support can come from many places, including family and friends, employing a caregiver, or even just checking out depression and parenting forums. The more you realize you are not alone, the less alone you will feel. We all want to be good parents. But when depression gets in the way, we can feel torn and exhausted. The strategies above can be useful tools for coping with our most difficult moments when parenting and depression go head-to-head. So hold your head up high, keep doing your best, and know that you will get through this. If you want to check out a good book about the effect of depression on parenting and the family, try reading “When a Parent is Depressed: How to Protect Your Children from the Effects of Depression in the Family” by William R. Beardslee. Looking for more way to enhance your productivity and improve your mental health? Available now is The Mood and Productivity Journal. The Mood and Productivity Journal will give you a wonderful means to boost your happiness and productivity every single day. Editor: Peter Khalil
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 Every week I clean my desk. Everything except my keyboard, mouse, and monitor are dumped into a box. Over the week, things that are necessary are put back on my desk and those things still in the box are either disposed of or filed away. It’s a cheap hack to cleaning my desk, and it allows me to reprioritize what takes up real estate on my work area.
One thing that always comes out of the box first is my 15-minute hourglass. Shortly thereafter I bring out my 30-minute hourglass. I find that my hourglasses are imperative to my productivity. They’re useful as I struggle with time management and staying focused. They also fit in perfectly with the Pomodoro method, a popular method of staying focused and productive (there are hourglass sets specifically created for the Pomodoro method). Why should you use an hourglass? 1. It’s analog: If you like to keep track of how much time you are spending on tasks, you no longer need to rely on digital means. Phones can be a productivity killer. When you’re using your phone or computer to tell time, every popup, beep, buzz, and chime can be a distraction from what you’re trying to accomplish. If you find that your phone is a problem even when you aren’t using it to tell time, try the Forest app (iOS), which grows a tree during the time you stay off your phone. RescueTime is the desktop version that keeps you from wandering to unproductive sites on your computer. 2. It’s portable: Hourglasses come in different shapes and sizes, with some fitting perfectly in a purse or bag to take on the go. I often work outside my home. With a portable hourglass, I can bring the advantages of the timekeeping and the productivity boost along with me. 3. Visual representation - It is a beautiful way to watch time pass. When I’m having problems focusing, I will look at the sand passing through the hourglass and take a few seconds to bring myself back to the present moment. When I look up from my work and see the amount of remaining sand getting low, I know it’s time to wrap up what I’m doing and take a break. 4. Easy to use - It is probably the easiest timer available. I started using an hourglass when I saw them at the library in my son’s school. Kindergarten-aged children may not be able to tell time or even understand the concept of time, but they do know when something is empty or full. 5. Activating behavior - There are those who have a harder time getting motivated, especially during periods of low mood. Enter the power of the hourglass. Flip your five or ten-minute hourglass and try to get something done. You might just end up staring at the hourglass for the whole five minutes, but at least you have made an attempt to get some work done. Next time you’re figuring out the best way to keep time when trying to get work done, instead of using digital means to keep time, consider the elegance and ease of just flipping your hourglass. Looking for more way to enhance your productivity and improve your mental health? Available now is The Mood and Productivity Journal. The Mood and Productivity Journal will give you a wonderful means to boost your happiness and productivity every single day. On a scale from 0, being the worst you’ve ever felt, to 10, being the best you’ve ever felt, how did you feel yesterday? How about on Thursday? Unless you are actively keeping track, your likely answer is “I have no idea.” You may even go one step further and ask “Why does it matter?” Research has shown that mood tracking can lead to better mental health.
Although checking in daily is ideal, even weekly mood tracking can give you valuable insights into what makes you happy, mad, sad, content, anxious and a whole host of other emotions. These could decide if your mood is a 2 or an 8 on any given day. Armed with this new treasure trove of data, you can start to make actual lifestyle changes for the better. Do you find after a night out drinking, your mood decreases a point from the day before? Maybe cutting back could be beneficial to your body and mind. Do you find that going to see an amazing band ups your score by two points? Integrating more concerts and music into your life could be a mood saver. If you are in therapy, being able to walk into your appointments with more information can help you and your therapist. With this information, together you can understand your positive and negative triggers and tailor your therapy accordingly. This saves time in your sessions and can expedite your recovery. How does one monitor their mood? Well, there are three different ways you can do that. 1. Pen and paper. Every day at the same time (morning, afternoon or before bed) write down a score and jot down some notes about how are you feeling in a notebook. This is the most convenient and portable method of mood tracking. 2. Spreadsheet. Open up a spreadsheet application and make three columns: date, mood score, and notes. Every day at the same time, fill in the columns. With this, you can run some great analytics and even make graphs. 3. Applications. There are great web and mobile applications that can keep track of these things for you. There are many applications out there including Moodscope (web-based), Daylio (iOS) and iMoodJournal. Tracking your mood does not have to be a big ordeal and will take minutes to do during the course of your day. Considering the positive benefits that mood tracking can have, I highly encourage you to sacrifice those few minutes to improve your day and your life. To make your mood tracking even easier, available now is The Mood and Productivity Journal. The Mood and Productivity Journal will give you space to both log your mood and track your productivity every single day.  Today you feel terrible, but you have a laundry list of things you need to get done. So how do you go from not wanting to even get out of bed to sending emails, drafting documents, cleaning your house, or whatever you need to do today? I’ve been in this position more often than not. I’ve found a few things that have helped to still be productive while having a low mood:
1) Activating behavior - Get out of bed. Turn on your computer. Open your inbox. Read one email. I talked about activating behavior when I discussed social anxiety, but it can apply here as well. A great trick to getting started is the 5-minute rule— try working on something for five minutes. If after five minutes you still don’t have the mojo to continue, take a break and move on to something else. You can buy an hourglass as a visual aid to track those five minutes. Just taking little steps toward being more productive will make you, well, more productive. In his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson says that ”action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it.” 2) Distress tolerance - If your low mood seems to be triggered by distress or anxiety, practicing distress tolerance will be a lifesaver in getting you to a place where you can be more productive. Distress tolerance can include anything from finding healthy, time-limited distractions to practicing mindfulness and meditation. It can also include listening to music that will soothe or motivate. This isn’t the time to bring out your “I Hate Myself and Want to Die” 90s grunge playlist. 3) Exercise - Moving around is probably the last thing you want to do when you are depressed. However, exercise has been shown time and time again to be a way to feel better mentally and also work up the motivation to be productive. Even small actions like taking a walk around the block or doing some jumping jacks in the living room will go a long way toward getting you in the mood to tackle your task list. 4) Getting Outside - One productivity tip I got from a friend is to go out and be in nature. Sometimes the weather doesn’t cooperate, but if you can, go outside and walk around. You can go sit in the park and absorb some Vitamin D. Your to-do list will thank you. 5) Emotional supports - If you are feeling pretty terrible and the above methods are not working for you, call up an emotional support. This can be a good friend or even your therapist. Talking with someone who can provide support and a compassionate ear can make you feel better. They can also offer an extra boost of motivation you need to get things done. 6) List making - When you’re depressed, it is overwhelming to think about all the things you need to work on. This is when list making can come in handy. Make a list of three things that would make you happy. Make a list of two things that you could do today to feel productive. Name one thing you are grateful for today. Making lists can pull you out of your head and into the day and present moment. They can also be used to prioritize what you need to get done to have a productive day. I’m not promising that you won’t be depressed if you do the above things, and your mood may not change today. What I can guarantee is that you will be more productive, and that will be the first step in getting well. If you are looking for more ways to boost your productivity, The Mood and Productivity Journal is available now. The Mood and Productivity Journal is a journal for those who understand that a better mood leads to better productivity. |