5 Hacks To Beat Social Anxiety

I’ll admit it; I suffer from social anxiety. It’s mostly kept under control through medication.
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I get invited to a wedding, a networking event, or even just a private party with friends and I freak out a little. What will I say the wrong thing? How will people perceive me? There’s always a host of questions swirling around my brain that are neither helpful to the situation or positive for my self-esteem.

In the days leading up to my sister-in-law’s wedding I was so crippled by anxiety that I had an uptick in drinking, lashing out at others and even suicidal ideation. Even though I did not have any involvement with the wedding or the planning, just the thought of seeing my husband’s family and his sister’s future family as well as all the other people was paralyzing. I’ve had similar reactions to smaller events like a team meeting or even just going out in public.

Recently in group therapy we discussed social anxiety and what one can do when faced with the fear, uncertainty, and doubt that come with leaving your comfort zone and dealing with the world. Here are the takeaways I found helpful and have since put into practice:

1. Opposite to Emotion Action (OEA) - The concept behind OEA comes from DBT skills-based therapy. Emotions happen, but we don’t always have to act on our feelings. If your values include “going to your sister in law’s wedding” or “making business connections,” the automatic emotions and thought processes that lead to social anxiety should not be a barrier to your actions. In essence, you are acting opposite your feelings and moving in line with your values.
   
2. Mindfulness - Maybe you don’t have time for miniatures, but there is still a way to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness means finding a way to be present-minded and not focused on the past or fixated on the future. That could be done with a quick meditation session (there are some great apps for that, like Headspace and Meditation Studio), doing some deep breathing exercises, or just sitting still and grounding yourself. What do you feel on your skin, smell with your nose, see what your eyes, etc.?
   
3. Activating behavior - So you have a big networking event to go to at 5 p.m. that is thirty minutes away because traffic sucks? It is 4:35 and you are still sitting at your desk hoping for some miracle to occur that will make it so you just can’t go and it will be okay. You may even be rationalizing to yourself why it’s okay if you don’t go. “It doesn’t matter if I don’t go. No one interesting will be there anyway.”  - this is a direct quote from my mind. When this happens just stand up. Now walk ever so slightly toward the door. The more small gestures you start to make toward the act of leaving, the more likely you are to leave. (Don’t worry - this is a networking event, and they never start on time.)
   
4. Radical acceptance - Radical acceptance is always a hard one for me. This entails simply accepting the thoughts and emotions as backseat passengers, but not letting them take the wheel in where you need to go. “I don’t want to go to this wedding, and I think it will be scary.” Okay, now that you’ve validated this feeling it is time to let the feelings take the backseat as you and your values drive the car and go where you need to go. You’ve accepted that you have these thoughts and emotions; now you are going to move past them. This means that you will get closer to values-based living.
   
5. Setting expectations - And when I say setting expectations, I mean do not set them. Instead of fortune telling and walking into a situation already biased by hopes, aspirations, and thoughts that you are going to a shitty event, allow yourself to be open to the situation. “Empty Your Cup”, like all the cool kids are saying nowadays. You may find yourself enjoying the event or party once you’ve shed the hang-ups you had walking into the situation. You might even feel better than when you entered.
   

This is all way easier said than done. Even I acknowledge that I struggle with going to events and dealing with people, especially as I get apprehensive in new situations. However, try some of these skills over time and you may alleviate some of your social anxiety and get a bit of relief.

Good luck, close your browser and go to that party.